


What Once Was Lost

by WordsandStuff



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe, Betrayal, F/F, F/M, Finding Family, Foster Care, Friendship, Gen, Love, Other, Overcoming Loss, Rebuilding Trust, Tragedy, Trust Issues, may we meet again, mental health, relationships, the system
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-24 18:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22322425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsandStuff/pseuds/WordsandStuff
Summary: A young Clarke Griffin finds herself in the foster system after a family tragedy. Having no living relatives, the world around her is about to become far different than the one she came from. With the help of a stranger who is too stubborn to leave her be, Clarke finds herself wanting to open up. Her only concern is that life has taken away everything she loves once and she isn't sure she can take that chance again.
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Jake Griffin, Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Clexa - Relationship, Thelonious Jaha & Wells Jaha
Comments: 26
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am putting this warning in the note because the start of this story is not going to be an easy one for some to read. Clarke is going to be having a rough time over the next couple of chapters and I hope everyone can understand why.

Clarke bit down on her lip, watching as her opponent carefully removed each piece. He was always so steady and so sure of his choice which she found infuriating and before she knew it, it was her turn once again. She swallowed hard and her fingers started to tremble. She tried to calm her breathing and focus on the task at hand but as soon as she made contact with the swaying wooden tower, it came cascading down on to the dining room table. 

Wells shouted in victory and Clarke shrieked in defeat. It was over and she threw her arms up in surrender only to then frown at the scattered pile of wooden pieces on the table. The table between herself and the boy across from her who had a victorious grin on his face. Again.

“No way! You cheated!” Clarke cried out after burying her face in her hands. 

“It’s Jenga, Clarke. How can anyone cheat at Jenga? Besides, you touched it last.” he laughed which only added to Clarke’s wounded pride.

“I would have won if I got that piece out.” Clarke muttered, deciding to set her attention on gathering up the pieces to pack them back in the game box instead of the boy across from her who she was certain was still grinning.

“Hey. Can I come over before your party tomorrow?” Wells asked, his voice free of the teasing tone it had just moments ago.

“Why? The pizzas won’t be ordered until after everyone gets here.” Clarke shrugged while she continued to pack away the game.

“I want to give you your present before and I need to set it up. It would be easier to do that here before everyone shows up.” 

“Set it up?” She looked up at him and could see the silent pleading for her to not press him on what gift he’d gotten her. She knew would tell her if she asked and all it would take was a minute of her staring at him with her blue eyes in concert with the patented pout. They both knew Wells could never withhold a secret from her.

Clarke tapped her chin pretending to be deep in thought again. Deciding to let him keep his secret, she decided to drag out the suspense of her answer. it was only one day away after all. She could survive.

“Sure. Just tell me it isn’t anything having to do with Jenga.” Her joke sufficiently broke the tension the boy was feeling. “If it is Jenga or in any way related to that horrible game, I may have to re-think this friendship.”

“I promise It isn’t Jenga related.” he laughed. “I’ll only need thirty minutes.” 

Before Clarke could suggest they go into the living room to watch a movie until her parents got home, both their attention became distracted by the chime of the doorbell filling the family home.

“Can you see who it is?” Clarke asked, still putting away the game. “It’s probably just my folks with groceries. They should have been home an hour ago. They could have texted me to come out and help bring everything in.”

“I see. I win at Jenga so I get to help them carry the groceries for your twelfth birthday?”

“Like you won’t eat all the food that is set out when you get here.” 

“Just the pizza.” he stated proudly as the bell rang once more. He hadn’t moved from his chair.

“Go!” Clarke laughed, tossing one of the wooden pieces lightly in his direction, watching it bounce off his arm and fall to the floor. He grabbed his arm as if it were broken, feigning shock. Clarke fixed him with her glare once more but again it was accompanied by a small smile.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll go.” he laughed as he slid off the tall stool he was sitting on. 

Clarke could hear him hustle to and open the door as she hopped off her own chair to pick the last piece of the game up off the floor. She flipped the lid closed on the game box and she walked it over to the ‘Griffin games stand’ which was filled with a number of various games they played every weekend. Once that was done, she returned to the kitchen after deciding to refill her drink. 

“Want more soda?” she asked Wells who was now re-entering the kitchen. 

When he didn’t respond with an answer, her head popped up over the fridge door to check on him. It was his demeanor that Clarke took notice of but she played it off assuming he was playing with her again and she laughed and shook her head.

“Oh come on. I didn’t throw it that hard!”

“Clarke, there are police and some lady at the door. They want to talk to you.”

“Yeah. Sure. You just don’t want to carry in the groceries.” Clarke rolled her eyes and shut the door of the refrigerator. She walked back over to the table to refill their glasses.

“No Clarke, really.” 

She studied him for a moment trying to gauge the truth behind his statement but the look in his eyes and the tone he was using started to frighten the soon-to-be twelve year and caused a shiver to radiate through her small frame. Her eyes went from Wells to the front hallway, then back to Wells and wondered what he was playing at.

“You are serious? What do they want?”

“I don’t know and they wouldn’t tell me.” Wells answered as he dug into his pocket and retrieved his cellphone. “I’m going to call my dad. He’ll know what to do.”

Clarke's feet hesitantly led her around the table and put down the glass of soda she was holding. She continued taking reluctant steps toward the front hall and leaned forward in order to look at the entrance. True to Wells’ word, there stood a woman who was carrying a black leather briefcase and flanked by two uniformed police officers.

“Yes?” the young blonde asked when they took notice of her small head peeking into the hallway. Clarke was relieved to see that none of them made an effort to move into the house.

Clarke leaned farther into the hall but her hands on the door frame prevented her from being able to walk fully into the hall. She didn’t know these people and her anxiety was growing continuously. 

“Clarke Elise Griffin?” the woman asked. Clarke already didn’t like her.

“Who are you?” Clarke asked as she stepped into the hallway but not an inch closer to the strangers.

“Clarke, my name is Patricia and I am a representative of the state. Is it alright with you if these nice officers and I come in and have a talk with you?”

“I think you should come back later when my parents come home.” Clarke answered, trying to sound as authoritative as she could. “My friend is calling them right now so they’ll be here soon.”

The woman sighed and handed her briefcase to one of the police officers. That caused Clarke to step back and bump into the accent table that sat against the wall. Her hands found the edge of the table and squeezed hard to stabilize herself. 

“Clarke, we are here to talk to you about your parents.” the woman explained. Her eyes were filled with something Clarke couldn’t quite read and Clarke shook her head.

“My dad is on his way.” Wells said, stepping into the hallway in front of Clarke in an attempt to shield her from the visitors. Clarke lifted her hand to his shoulder as thanks for his help, her eyes couldn’t do anything more than stare at the woman in the doorway.

“Excuse me, officers. My name is Thelonious Wells. I live next door and my son is inside that house. Can I help you?” called out a familiar voice from behind the trio at the door.

“We are going to need you to take your son home, sir.” Stated one of the officers who turned to address the approaching man. His hand was on his firearm and Thelonious raised his hands. 

“And I’m going to need more than that.” he stated. “As the family attorney, I’d like to know what you want with my son and miss Griffin.”

“I’ll be right back, Clarke.” the woman said, standing and turning to address to the boy's father. “Officers, give us a moment please.” the woman asked, directing Thelonious to walk a few feet from the door so they could talk privately.

“Clarke?” Wells turned to look at her but she didn’t respond. She was as white as a ghost and her hand was on the table to her left to keep herself balanced. “Clarke, are you okay?”

“I don’t… what’s happening?”

“I don’t know Clarke. My dad will handle it.” Clarke moved in closer to her friend and pulled him into a hug. 

A couple of minutes passed that felt like a year to Clarke. She and Wells hadn’t moved in the hallway and the officers simply stood there like statues. What made it more awkward was that they just stood there and didn’t say anything. 

After Patricia had told the police to let him through, Thelonious quickly walked past the officers who had stepped aside to permit him entry. He made his way to the two children knelt down, and pulled them both into a hug. When he pulled back, Clarke fixed him with a confused look. His eyes were red.

‘Why are his eyes red?’ Clarke asked herself while fixing him with a confused look. 

“Clarke, I need you to come and sit in the living room? This lady needs to speak to you for a few minutes but I’ll be right there with you. Is that okay?” He asked. 

“I don’t want to.” Clarke stated and shook her head.

“Clarke, this is important.”

“What is going on?” Clarke asked. The tension in her small frame betrayed her ability to hide her worry. 

“I’ll stay.” Wells stated. He’d not let go of her hand since he’d gotten off the phone with his father.

“Wells, I want you to go home. I’ll explain when I come home.” 

Wells attempted to rebuff his father’s request. “I’m not leaving Clarke.”

“I am not asking. Go home and tell your mother to call mister Gaetz. Tell her we need his help and it’s urgent.”

“Mr. Gaetz? Why?”

“Wells.” stated his father, his voice firm. This was not something he was willing to allow a challenge on. It startled Clarke because she’d never heard his father raise his voice in anger before.

Clarke felt her friend release her hand while offering an apologetic look. “I’ll come back.” he whispered. Clarke tried to offer him a smile but with tears forming in her eyes, they both knew it wasn’t genuine. 

After his son departed, Thelonious led Clarke into the living room and toward the couch where Clarke’s eyes watched every meticulous detail of the events happening before her.

Thelonious sat down next to Clarke and she leaned into his side for protection. He wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. Her breath caught in her throat and she looked up at her friend's father who was now struggling to prevent his own eyes from eyes filling with water.

The stranger named Patricia took a seat on the edge of the coffee table in front of her and reached forward to put her hand on Clarke’s knee. The police entered the living room and remained just inside the threshold which made Clarke’s unease about the situation worsen.

“What…?” was all Clarke was able to ask when she looked to the man for an answer, her lips beginning a slight tremble.

“Clarke honey,” he whispered, pulling her into his side. “I’m so sorry.”

Clarke never really heard all of what Patricia was saying to her. She heard the woman talking, she explained what had happened not more than two hours ago but it was almost background noise after she said that her parents had been shot.

She explained that there was a man who attempted to rob Jake and Abby at gunpoint in the grocery store parking lot. She told her there were police officers out looking for the man and when he is caught, the state would seek the harshest penalty possible.

The entire time, Clarke sat there staring forward at the clock that sat atop of the fireplace mantle. All she focused on was that her parents had been shot and it sounded to her like her parents weren’t coming back.

“Clarke?” Patricia tried to cut through the fog that had consumed Clarke’s mind. “I’m going to need you to come with me for a little while, OK?”

“No!” Clarke yelled, feeling the dam that had been holding everything in splinter and break. Every emotion that she held in was now exploding forth in a flurry of anger. “I am not going anywhere! I’m waiting here for my parents.”

She dislodged herself from Thelonious’ side and took off in a sprint toward the front hallway. All she wanted to do was run but she only made as far as the entry to the front hall before she was caught by one of the officers.

Through her tears and screams, she kicked and punched at the officer who held her tight to his chest. He took the blows and the screams, letting her expend the pent up emotions target his sturdy frame for as long as it would take. To no one's surprise, Clarke’s angry protest lasted for little more than a minute and her arms fell to her side moments before she went limp in his arms. 

The officer walked forward toward the couch and accepted the help of Thelonious to lower her gently down on the soft cushions where she'd sat moments ago. Clarke slumped into Thelonious' side.

“Clarke,” Thelonious whispered, “you will have to go with them for a little while.”

“I don’t understand. Why?” she asked between sobs with her face still pressed in the side of larger man.

“There are rules we have to follow right now. I promise Wells and I will see you as soon as we can, OK? For now, you just need to get some things to change into for a night or two. Patricia will take care of you”

“Why can’t I stay with you?” she asked, staring up at him.

“They have to make sure everything is safe and they are here to make sure you are protected.” Jaha’s heart had broken when Patricia explained the circumstance of her visit tonight but seeing Clarke as she was right now broke any remaining pieces.

“You can keep me safe?” Clarke tried not to make it sound like a question but the small amount of hope in her voice made it sound as such.

“I will do everything I can to make that happen Clarke. I promise you.” he leaned down and kissed the top of her head once more. “Let’s go upstairs and get some things for you.”

“Please, don’t take too long.” Patricia suggested to Thelonious. She understood that the longer Clarke remained in her room, the more likely she would resist having to leave the house. 

“We will be right back.”

Clarke sat on her bed, wordlessly watching Thelonious pack a suitcase for her. He was putting a number of clothes in the suitcase but Clarke didn’t say anything until he asked her if there was anything extra-special to her that she would like to bring. She pointed at the picture on her desk and when he went over to pick it up, he recognized it as being taken at the most recent Griffin-Jaha summer vacation and was not surprised by her selection. 

“This is a great picture.” He said, turning to Clarke and handing the hand-made frame to her.

“Yeah." she said while placing it on the clothes in her suitcase. Once she'd let go of the picture Jaha closed it by sliding the zipper around the case and flipping the latch on the top to secure it fully.

Jaha decided to carry Clarke from her room because it was clear Clarke had no intention of moving from her bed under her own power and the last thing he was going permit was to have one of the police officers remove her from her own home by force. Once Clarke had her shoes and a jacket on, Patricia led the pair to the SUV she had parked at the curb between two squad cars. The entire neighbourhood was aware of something being amiss, eyes peering through windows or people standing on their front porches. A few of their closest neighbours had begun to approach but remained at a respectful distance.

Thelonious placed Clarke into the front seat of the SUV and buckled her in. The whole time, Clarke just stared forward while lifting her arms so he could secure her in the seat. Patricia stepped into the driver's side and buckled herself in. 

“I will see you soon, Clarke. I promise.”

When she turned to look at him, he saw something reflected back at him that no eleven-year-old should ever have to experience. She didn't respond which led to him reaching forward once more to pull her into a hug.

Patricia cleared her throat and Thelonious reluctantly created space between himself and Clarke. 

“She will be processed tonight and sent over to state custody in the morning. Here is my card. Call my office in the morning and they can provide you details as the family attorney as to what happens next.” she said, extending her arm and a card to Thelonious. He took the paper card and put it in his pocket.

“Thank you.” he said as she started the vehicle. “Clarke, I will see you soon. Be brave.”

“Okay.” she replied but with little enthusiasm.

The vehicle began to roll forward and before Clarke knew it, her house was gone. The street she lived on was behind her and she was driving with a stranger to someplace she’d never been. She held on to the hope that Mr. Jaha was right and that she would see them again soon. It would be best if she could be back in time for her birthday. 

Wells was going to be there early and he was going to set up the present he got her. She had to be back before then.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke discovers what the immediate future has in store for her

“I heard that you didn’t eat your dinner last night,”

Clarke shifted uncomfortably on the cold and cushion-less chair in her caseworker’s sterile-looking office. She offered a shrug in response while absentmindedly picking at a loose thread on the arm of her seat.

“and you didn’t eat breakfast this morning.” Patricia added while pushing a granola bar across the top of her desk to hang precariously close to the edge for Clarke to take.

Clarke spied the offering and answered a frown in response. She didn’t want anything other than a prompt return to her home and she squeezed the arms of her chair. She tore her eyes away from the food and scanned the room for what she was sure was the hundredth time to discover once more the number of tiles on the floor hadn’t changed, nor had the diplomas that hung on the wall with her case worker’s credentials from the University of Polis.

It wasn't until Patricia put down the receiver of the phone firmly on the base that Clarke snapped out of the trance that had consumed her attention, stumbling back to the reality she was trying to ignore. She stole a glance at the large white clock on the wall she was surprised to see than an hour had flown by.

“I know you don’t want to be here, Clarke. I think…”

“I want to go home!” Clarke shouted.

Patricia sighed and leaned back in her chair. The look of pity on her face only caused the anger to swell within Clarke’s small frame.

“I know. In the interim, I’ve found you a much nicer place than this to spend some time. At least there you will be able to have a decent meal and a good night's sleep. I’m sure you agree anything is better than the lumpy beds we have here.”

“I have a bed. At my house. Where I should be right now but you won’t let me be there!”

“We talked about this, Clarke. Right now is not a good time for you to be there.”

Clarke let her eyes fall to the floor and clung to the evaporating hope that her mother and father would come through the door and tell her this was all one big joke and that they would go home and resume their lives. 

Clarke resumed her silent protest and remained true to it until she felt the hairs on the back of her neck feel a tickling sensation. Sure enough, another person had entered the room while her focus was on trying to avoid the crisis at hand. The newcomer was standing just behind Clarke on the opposite side of the chair she had been zoned-out on. Taking a moment to appraise the man through suspicious eyes, she determined he was one of the least threatening men she’d ever seen.

At least, his appearance was. The rest she decided was to be determined.

He had dark hair - neat and styled. She frowned when she saw the same sympathetic look in his eyes that everyone she’d met in this place. His face was clean-shaven, and wore a pair of thin-wire glasses. His cardigan sweater was brown with even darker brown patches on the elbows and he wore the same kind of slacks like her father did. Only his man's shoes were black. Her father liked brown shoes.

“Hello, Clarke. My name is Marcus Kane.”

Clarke wanted to yell at the man but something in his voice rendered her unable to do more than open and close her mouth in silence. She found herself working much harder at trying to ignore the man who was now crouching down beside her. He was eye level with her and she chose to fix him with a glare rather than communicate verbally. She knew she was being rude to the man and was one-hundred percent certain her mother would have scolded her for her behaviour. 

If she was there. That was the thought that caused the water in her eyes to crest and propelled a drop to run down over her cheek. Marcus immediately reached into his pocket and produced a small handkerchief, offering it to Clarke who shook her head in refusal as she tried to fight back the inevitable.

“Patricia tells me you need a place to stay for a little while. I’d like if you came and spend some time at my home.”

“I have a home.” Clarke said in a whisper.

“Mrs. Hall has told me a little about your situation which is why I’m here. I’m told the one responsible for where we are today hasn’t been found. Until the police find whoever caused all this is found, it isn’t safe for you to go back there.”

Clarke glared at Patricia hearing that she’d shared details with another stranger because the more people that knew about her situation made it more real. She was trying to summon up the words to express just how upset she was when Marcus’ voice stopped her before she could start.

“If anything, I promise that we have more comfortable chairs at the home that you can sit in if you’d like. Or perhaps some time alone on a comfortable bed?”

The notion of being left alone and sorting things out for herself appealed to her and she regarded the man with suspicion. He waited for her answer and after a prolonged silence, Clarke nodded once.

Marcus gave Clarke a reassuring smile and reached for her suitcase. To everyone’s surprise, Clarke sprang forward and yanked it out of his hands with force. He immediately released the handle and watched her squeeze it tightly to her chest. Patricia had a scowl on her face and her words were sharp.

“Clarke! That is no way to thank Mr. Kane for his help.”

“It is no problem Patricia,” he said, waving off her concern. “I’m sure Clarke only wants to make sure she keeps it close.”

“You are an angel, Marcus! Say hello to Vera for me if you could.” Patricia called out as Marcus promised he would.

Marcus told her he would and they departed the office. Clarke’s feet propelled her toward the front doors and her mind concocted a plan that once she was through the doors, she could just run. She didn’t know where she was or how to get home but she knew the address and that would be good enough. She would go to the Jaha’s if she had to.

When the door opened and just moments before she summoned the courage to break away, Marcus’ voice once again cut through her poorly thought-out plan and she froze. Clarke’s face was a mix of emotions and every plea she made to her body to run was ignored. Clarke was so tired of crying but she couldn’t prevent them from flowing once more. If she went with him, she couldn’t go home.

“I know you want to, Clarke but I’m asking you to give me a chance.”

She looked at him through strands of blonde hair that had fallen to hide her face, wet eyes, and a trembling lip. She wondered if he could read her mind and while she looked at him, she wondered what else he might know that she was thinking.

“You wouldn’t catch me.” Clarke bluffed.

“Maybe not, but you wouldn’t be the first and I’m getting too old to chase after people anymore.” He joked and feigned that his hip was sore in an effort to draw a smile from Clarke. 

She had no smiles to give the man so instead of waiting for one, he took a knee so they were eye-to-eye once more and put his hand lightly on Clarke’s shoulder. She pulled back from the man and her eyes had begun to show her emotions once more along with a quick intake of air through her nose.

“I am sure there is a lot going on up there, and in there.” He said while pointing a finger at her head and then her heart. “I won’t pretend and lie to you by saying I know how you are feeling. All I can do is ask that you believe me when I say I do want to help if you will let me.”

Clarke wanted to yell at the man. She wanted to scream and threaten him that if he didn’t take her to her house this instant that wherever he took her next would result in the worst experience in his life. Instead, her shoulders slumped forward and her blue eyes dropped to the ground along with a steady stream of tears.

Marcus reached out and picked her up off the ground. Clarke instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck and continued crying, burying her face in his neck. Neither of them was aware of the length of time they stood there and it was only when she showed signs that she was no longer crying and her breathing evened out that Marcus stopped rubbing small circles in her back.

“Let’s get out of here, alright?” He asked in a whisper while she remained clinging to his frame. 

He didn’t expect a response but an almost imperceptible nod from the young girl was all it took and his hand claimed the suitcase next to where Clarke had been standing. Turning toward the parking lot, they went off in the direction of his car and for Clarke, toward the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Clarke will meet someone who will have a profound impact on her future.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kane Youth Transitional Home welcomes a new arrival and Lexa gets a new roommate.
> 
> I know. I said Friday but here is the next chapter. Been feeling sick the last few days and I hope it doesn't reflect too much in the newest chapter@

The Kane Youth Transitional Home, located on the outskirts of the suburban sprawl of Polis was abuzz with speculation as to the reason the housemaster, Mr. Kane(Marcus to the very select few of the eldest children), had rushed form the house earlier that morning.

The offered speculation ranged from something as trivial as Mr. Kane rushing out to get groceries to the unsettling possibility of the home being shut down. Many of the younger children were horrified by the notion they could all be forced to move to yet another home and in a couple of the youngest, tears made an uninvited appearance which led to the older kids consoling them in order to keep Mr. Kane’s mother from making an appearance and scolding them all.

One of the older boys named Murphy floated the idea that there could be a new addition to the home because there was a spare bed in the house but the possibility idea was shot down because if there was one thing they all knew it was that kids arrived on weekends, not on a Wednesday. If there was one thing Mr. Kane did, it was run a tight ship and there was an order to everything.

Sitting in a corner, a studious young brunette sat in a grey-cushioned high-backed chair. She had been trying in vain to read a book instead of partaking in the chaos around her but the sound of her name cut through the chatter and forced her young imagination to entertain the possibility she could have a new roommate.

Once all the kids wore themselves out with over-speculation, the smell of lunch extended like tendrils from the kitchen and talk of lunch took over the room. Mrs Vera could be heard in the kitchen along with one of the other adults who worked as a volunteer in the home

‘Who is that?’ Lexa wondered. 

Her attention like that of all the kids who were in the room was fully focused on the new visitor to the home. She bit her lip and slightly tilted her head to the right as she often did when focusing. Walking through the front door with Mr. Kane is a young blonde girl whose nervous blue eyes glanced from side to side, never settling on any one for too long even though Mr. Kane was telling her she had nothing to be worried about.

The girl’s mannerisms told Lexa she had never been in care before. She could also see a pang of sadness in those blue eyes that resonated within her own chest, pulling at her sympathies and telling her that she needed to do all she could to help her.

All eyes were now on the new girl now and the other kids were watching, each with their own burning questions. The only one who said anything was Ontari, a girl roughly the same age of Lexa and the only girl who had been in the home longer, making a snide comment about there being just one more unwanted kid being dumped off in state care.

Mr. Kane led the newcomer in the direction of his office which was closer to the kitchen and at the back of the house. The room was cloaked in a hush except for Ontari who freely joked about the “cry-baby blonde”. Lexa followed them with her eyes until they were gone from her view and the moment they were gone, Lexa shot up from her chair.

“Give it a rest, Ontari. Don’t be such a bitch.” Lexa said, glaring at the girl for her shameful behaviour.

“What are you going to do about it?” she scoffed in response, rising from her chair in response to Lexa’s suggestion. 

Balling her fists, Lexa marched across the large central room and toward the offending girl who was waiting for her with a scowl on her face. Her hands were as tight as Lexa’s in preparation for the conflict to come. In Lexa’s mind, this wasn’t the first time they have had an altercation and she was certain it wouldn’t be the last.

“Girls, don’t you dare.” said a commanding voice who just stepped in through the threshold of the front door with a rolling suitcase in her hand. Resulting in Ontari and Lexa stopping a couple of feet from the other. They turned to see Vera, Mr. Kane’s mother and co-owner of the home they were guests in.

Both Ontari and Lexa remained with their eyes locked on the other and offering silent declarations of what was waiting for the other when the opportunity would permit. 

”Help me with this suitcase please, Lexa.” Vera’s polite but curt voice cut the tension between the two. It wasn’t meant as a request. “Be a dear and put it in your room. You are going to have some company for a little while.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Lexa said, reaching for the suitcase which was unlike any she’d ever seen. She imagines it must be really expensive because it was one of those fancy ones with wheels and a handle that you could pull it around with. 

“When you are done, come back down and wait outside Mr. Kane’s office. You can show Clarke where she will be staying.” Vera added.

‘Clarke.’ Lexa repeated her name in her head as she lifted the suitcase, rolling it down the hall then pulling it up the stairs to the room she had occupied by herself for the last three weeks ever since Emori was adopted by a nice family. Murphy was heartbroken as was Emori as the pair had become close.

There was an unspoken rule in the system unless you are old enough to petition the courts for emancipation that you should not get so attached because anyone could get adopted at any time. Murphy and Emori refused to believe in that rule and the two weeks after she left, he didn’t say a word because he didn’t need to. Everyone could see it in his eyes and how he remained quiet instead of his usual sarcastic self and it was a vivid reminder of why you don’t let people get close.

Lexa had walked down the hallway atop the staircase, opened the door to her(and Clarke’s) room, proceeding to hoist the solid suitcase on to the bed adjacent to her own. For just a moment, she wondered what the contents of the suitcase were but rather than cracking it open to have a look and try to figure out who the girl might be, she decided to leave closed and give the girl her privacy.

As Mrs. Kane requested, she walked down the stairs and was surprised to see the older woman sitting on the padded bench outside Mr. Kane’s office door. She waved Lexa over by patting the space on the bench next to her.

Lexa approached in silence, glancing at the kids in the common room who all looked to her with questioning eyes. She had no answers to give so she walked on by to take her seat. The look Vera was giving her was not one she was unfamiliar with which reflected the seriousness of the situation. 

Lexa felt it a bit when she noticed the new girl, ‘Clarke’ and how she’d reacted to entering the home. The way Mr. Kane had sheltered her from everyone rather than introducing a newcomer as he usually does, and how he’d had Vera ask Lexa to take the suitcase to their room and rushed Clarke into his office.

“Lexa, our new friend is going to have a hard time adjusting to the house,” Vera said in an almost whisper. “ and Mr. Kane and I are going to need your help because she has never been in a home before.”

“I know,” Lexa answered. “Why did she have to come here?” Lexa asked, her tone matching Vera’s. Her curiosity had remained piqued since Clarke’s arrival. There was something about the girl that caused Lexa to need to know more. 

“Oh, sweetie.” Vera sighed, lifting her arm to reach around Lexa and pull her into a hug. “You know sometimes life isn’t fair. If it was, there wouldn't be a need for Marcus and I to run this home. For now, Lexa is going to need all of us to be there to help her. Marcus and I believe of all the girls here, you will understand her better than anyone.”

It took a moment for Lexa to absorb what she had been told, her eyes going from Vera to the office door, then back to Vera again. Her breath caught in her young chest and she opened and closed her mouth in silence with the realization of the blonde girl’s circumstance hitting her. The memory of her first day in a home came rushing back to her and her breath hitched in her throat. 

“Do you think you can help us?” Vera stared into Lexa’s eyes which were lost in the reflection of her past. 

Lexa didn’t say anything, only offering a nod while staring at the door across the hall as though she could see through it and to where the blonde was likely sitting. She imagines that Mr. Kane was telling Clarke the same things while she sat silently in the dark-red leather chairs in front of Mr. Kane’s desk.

“I know you can.” Vera said. “Wait a minute more and I will be out with Clarke so you can show her to your room.”

“I will, I promise.” Although Clarke didn’t hear her words, she made sure to silently promise it to her as well.

“Thank you, Lexa.” Vera said while rising and making her way across the hall and disappearing from view. She reappeared a minute later with a trembling blonde beside her who was doing her best to avoid Lexa’s gaze by staring at her feet.

“Clarke, this is Lexa.” If you have any questions or need anything and you can’t find me or Mr. Kane, she will be able to help you.” Vera stated as Clarke dug her toes of her right foot into the floor.

Lexa smiled in the off chance Clarke looked up at her but the blondes hair continued to hide her face, only permitting tiny glimpses of the girl who hide behind it. For a second, Lexa caught sight of a pair of blue eyes that vanished as quickly as they appeared once Clarke tilted her head further forward to avoid risking continued scrutiny. 

“Why don’t you show her upstairs to her new room. Afterward if you feel up to it…” Vera leaned down and whispered to the two girls conspiratorially, “…you two can come down and I’ll find a nice treat for you both.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kane.” Lexa said as she offered her hand to take Clarke to her new room. A hand that was only stared at by the blonde.

“Go with Lexa, sweetheart.” Vera urged, her voice laced with sympathy. “Take all the time you need up there and come down when you are ready.”

Clarke didn’t make a motion to move toward the stairs so Lexa took that as her cue to turn and head in the direction herself. She paused at the bottom and turned back to see if Clarke had followed. 

“I put your suitcase in our room.” Lexa stated, her hand on the wooden railing that would lead them upstairs.

She watched Clarke reluctantly put one foot in front of the other as she made her way toward the stairs. As she walked by the entrance to the common room, she avoided the scrutinizing eyes of the children by rolling her shoulders forward and increasing the speed of her feet to avoid the terrifying silence from the other children.

“C’mon.” Lexa urged. 

She tried to sound cheerful but knew she had failed miserably. Clarke didn’t have any intention of indicating she heard her but she was moving toward her. Lexa started her way up the stairs at a moderate pace because Clarke’s every footstep was taken under duress but she did follow. Once they reached their room, Lexa opened the door and explained to Clarke that she would be her roommate.

Lexa watched Clarke risk a peek through her blonde hair while attempting to survey the room. She spent most of her time observing Lexa’s neatly organized half with books on shelves along with random pictures of some forest pinned up in rows on the wall and above her small desk. 

Lexa was sitting on her neatly made bed, and directed Clarke’s attention to where she would be sleeping. The shelves on her side were empty and the plain white walls were free from pictures or any indication someone had ever been there. Clarke turned and walked over to where her suitcase rested on her bed and spun the small number dial until Lexa heard a click and the sound of the latch release.

“That is a really cool suitcase.” Lexa groaned internally at her words and winced at the attempt at casual conversation.

Clarke didn’t reply to her. In fact, she still hadn’t said anything. Instead, Lexa silently watched her lift her clothes out of her suitcase and place them all neatly on the bed around the suitcase. It wasn’t until Lexa directed her to the drawers under the bed that Clarke stopped laying them all out and put them directly into the sliding drawers. Once Clarke was finished putting her clothes away, she leaned forward over the suitcase and her shoulders beginning to shake.

Clarke retrieved the last item from her suitcase and stared at it. Seconds later, she pulled it to her chest and let out a whimper that caused a fracture in the dam that held the tumultuous emotions from raging forth. Lexa watched the girl begin to break and as she did, she could feel her heart reply in kind.

Clarke let herself fall forward on to her bed, knocking the suitcase to the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably. Lexa did the only thing she could think of doing - to rush over to the girl and wrap her in a hug. She didn’t expect Clarke to reciprocate, nor did she expect the tears to fall so readily from her own eyes. To her surprise, Clarke put down the picture frame and moments later both girls were overtaken by their emotions. Clarke from the mental and physical rigours she had been through and for Lexa, it was her understanding of what Clarke was fighting through, showing her that she understands. That she is there for her if she will let her be.

Clarke’s answer, for now, came as tightly balled up fists in Lexa’s t-shirt and the unexpected crushing embrace that she welcomes if it gave Clarke solace at the moment. 

Lexa took the chance to look over Clarke’s shoulder see a picture of the girl in her arms along with two people she assumed were her parents. They were all smiling brilliantly and in the foreground was the beautiful daughter whose eyes lit up the picture seemed so care-free and happy. 

After an indeterminate amount of time, they found themselves sitting on the floor next to Clarke’s bed and neither would release the other. Clarke was so exhausted, and her grip had slackened significantly but she still held on. Lexa was aware of her steady breathing which suggested Clarke had fallen asleep and she was content to remain on the floor as long as it would take if it meant Clarke could get some rest.

They’d remained on the floor for some time and she had been thinking to herself that Clarke would be much more comfortable in her bed. The only problem was that she wasn’t sure she would be able to lift Clarke herself. She toyed with the notion of going to get help but that would mean releasing Clarke and she had absolutely no intention of doing that. 

It was only when Lexa’s legs began to feel a tingling that warned they weren’t long from falling asleep beneath her, she moved her arms slowly and carefully from being around Clarke to under her. She braced Clarke as best she could and summoned the strength to lift the sleeping girl from the floor. 

She was not surprised to learn her legs protested her movement but she managed to stand. After a moment to make sure she had her balance, she placed Clarke down on her soft mattress as gently as she could but she wasn’t as careful as she wished she could have been. Clarke stirred from her sleep after being jostled and her tired blue eyes cracked open to reveal confusion and then opened even wider with concern about what was happening. 

“You fell asleep on the floor. I… we…” Lexa offered as an explanation.

Lexa watched on as Clarke stared at her as if she was trying to decide something and for the entire time Lexa was under her scrutinizing gaze, she felt powerless. Lexa wanted to avert her eyes but she couldn’t which resulted in a wave of nervousness overtaking her usually confident demeanour. 

“I can get you a drink if you want?” Lexa stammered. When Clarke’s silence became too large for the room, Lexa turned to go retrieve her a drink.

Before she knew it, Clarke stretched out to grab a hold of Lexa’s hand. Lexa looked at the girl’s tear-stained cheeks and then to her arm where Clarke was tightly affixed to as if it were a life-line. 

Lexa abandoned her quest to get water and instead, she sat on the corner of Clarke's twin-sized bed. Before she knew it, the space between them immediately disappeared as Clarke quickly squeezed her tightly as they had earlier. Lexa felt hope to begin to take root and returned the embrace.

It wasn’t long before Clarke’s breathing became even and steady once more and Lexa found the courage to lay her down on her bed and then cautiously brush a few strands of blonde hair behind Clarke’s ear. As she did, her skin made contact with Clarke’s and she felt her heart-rate elevate. Now she could see the girl's features fully and she seemed so peaceful and more like the girl in the photo rather than the girl who walked into the home earlier in the day. Lexa chewed down on her lip and hoped that she played a small part in that. 

Of course, she made the argument that Clarke was just over-tired and it was a coincidence that she was Clarke’s roommate. That perhaps anyone who would have been here with Clarke might have been able to help her. But maybe, just maybe she hoped there was a little more to it than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> Conflict in the house takes center stage and Clarke is not happy about her situation. Lexa does what she can to try to help.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has a run-in with her nemesis. Lexa renews her determination to help Clarke find her way back from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crazy days! Everything is going to be on lockdown around my neck of the woods.
> 
> The Perk? More writing! That means I should be able to post a lot more if I am told to stay home from work. These chapters aren't too long so I should be able to get them out a little faster than I have been.

Sitting cross-legged on top of her mattress Lexa’s green eyes spied once more over the worn yellow pages her other current obsession, Looking for Alaska. Her attention poorly divided between the novel which seemed to be a distraction and her roommate who in the last two days hasn’t uttered a single word. In fact, other than leaving the room to go to the washroom she hadn’t seen Clarke venture from the top floor of the house which fueled Lexa’s curiosity if the newest addition to their home would ever break out of her shell.

“Tomorrow is a pretty big day,” Lexa said in order to break the stillness of the moment. “It was supposed to be Emori’s birthday. I mean, it is Emori’s birthday but she isn’t here anymore. She was pretty quiet too. Not that you are quiet. I just meant that for John because they were together it is going to be a big day. He really misses her.”

Lexa caught herself start the beginnings of what would become rambling. She’d found herself doing more of it in the last two days than she’d ever done before and hoped that her one-sided conversations would lead to the Blonde who was facing away from her on her side. She watched Clarke’s body shift and she held her breath in anticipation that her roommate would talk to her. Unfortunately, Clarke dug herself deeper under her blankets and the sound of the box spring under the mattress springs was the only reply Lexa received. Lexa let the book drop to her lap and dog-eared the page she was on before closing it and looking at the digital alarm between them.

“It’s almost time for lunch. Mr. Kane said we are having chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese. Are you coming downstairs?”

Silence again.

“I’ll bring yours up. Mr. Kane uses real cheese in it because he says it’s better. I bet you will like it. We don’t get it often so everyone really enjoys it when he prepares it.” Lexa explained, edging herself off the bed to stand next to Clarke.

Clarke didn’t move a muscle. If it weren’t for her breathing, Lexa could have assumed Clarke might not be real. It was hard to tell if Clarke was awake most of the time, and she never ate the meals Lexa brought up to her when Lexa was in the room. The only way she knew Clarke was actually able to move around was when she returned after studying or assisting in watching the younger children for the Kane’s, the dishes would be clear and clean of any food. Three times a day, Clarke would eat alone and Lexa felt the full on her heart each time she returned to see Clarke laying in the same position each time.

“I’ll be right back.”

_ _ _ _

“Where’s the Loser? Still crying in her room?” Ontari’s voice reached her ear as soon as she stepped into the hall between the living room and the staircase.

“I told you to knock that off, Ontari.”

“You keep saying it, but then you run right back up there to sit across from the catatonic loser.”

“Ontari…” Lexa warmed. 

Lexa squeezed her hands into tight fists once again. This had become a multiple-times-a-day occurrence where Ontari continued to push her buttons and the last couple days of small but constant jabs from Ontari were adding up. Between that and her frustration with herself, Lexa turned toward Ontari and started to stalk forward. The room that moments ago was full of voices had become hushed, waiting for what they all knew was to come.

“Lunchtime! Youngest first.” Called Vera from the hallway that led to the dining room. For a moment, the children weren’t sure what to do. Did they wait for the conflict to begin or should they listen to Mrs. Kane and retrieve their lunches. None of them had the intention of missing a dust-up if they had the chance.

Lexa heard the sweet voice from the hall and blinked a couple of times. It took a few strong pulls of air into her lungs to regain enough of her composure to stop herself before things got out of hand. Lexa instructed the kids to head to the kitchen and get their lunches and the realization that there wasn’t going to be a fight drew a few audible groans from onlookers. 

While she told the kids to get moving, she didn’t take her eyes off Ontari. She wouldn’t let her sucker-punch her like she did the last time they fought. ‘Never again’ she promised herself, remembering the black eye she sported for the following week was reminder enough to never let her guard down again.

When Vera called them all again, Ontari joined the parade of departures and as she walked by Lexa, she released a contemptuous huff of air. They barely avoided making contact with each other which caused Lexa to scowl. it was close enough for their shirt sleeves to brush which forced Lexa had to work as hard as she could in order to not lash out. She was able to keep it under control until she heard it, “Better hurry. Time to feed your freak.” 

Lexa decided she had enough. She let out a growl, took a fist full of Ontari’s dark hair and yanked as hard as she could, yanking her backward and hard enough for the formerly smirking antagonistic girl to lose her balance and fall hard onto the floor.

Shrieks erupted among the remaining children, each of them shouting out advice of what to do to the other person. Lexa seized the opportunity and jumped on top of Ontari, her hands in balls and swinging with as much fury as she could. All the girl on the bottom could do was hold her hands up in front of her in order to block as much as she could because she was unprepared for Lexa’s sudden outburst.

It didn’t take long for Mr. Kane to make his presence known by lifting Lexa into the air and carrying her across the room. Lexa shouted her objection and the moment her feet touched the floor, she tried to streak off back in Ontari’s direction.

“Miss Woods, you will stop. Right. Now.”

Lexa was rarely the target of that voice, but the bombastic tone stilled the heart in her chest and it aided in driving away any interest in continuing the battle with Ontari.

“Mr. Kane! She…”

“I don’t care. You know if you have a problem you come and discuss it with me or Mrs. Kane. Now, as a reward for this little outburst you will do dishes for the remainder of the week.”

“But I…”

“And the week after that.”

Lexa’s protest died in a conciliatory sigh. She turned back to see Ontari who remained sitting on the floor with a split lip and hair tossed all over her face. Lexa wanted to accuse her of being overdramatic but knew it would be in her best interest to remain silent.

“Miss Queen, for your involvement in what I just witnessed you will be doing the yard work this weekend along with Mr. Murphy.”

“It was Lexa who started it!” Ontari shouted, aghast with her best attempt at looking innocent.

“And now you will be responsible for collecting and emptying the trash for the next week as well.” He amended. “Now this matter is settled. Everyone, go see Mrs. Kane and she will give you your lunches before it gets cold. Lexa, you will stay a moment.”

After all the kids left the room in silence, including Ontari who made sure to swear a silent pledge through her amber eyes to Lexa that retribution would come. Once the room was empty, he took a seat on a bench near one of the small tables.

“Sir, I’m sorry. I promise I won’t…”

Marcus lifted his hand and shook his head, causing Lexa to wonder if she was in anymore trouble than she was. She dreaded the thought of dishes for the next month.

“I’d like to talk to you about Clarke.”

“Oh.”

“Has she said anything?”

Lexa shook her head. “Nothing to me, Sir.”

Marcus lifted his hand to his face and scratched the slight bit of stubble on his chin. After a moment, he leaned back on the bench.

“Please let her know that after today, she will have to join everyone for meals. She doesn’t have to talk to anyone, but it isn’t good for her to stay up there in the room by herself.”

“But I am up there with her.”

“We’ve given her some space, but it’s not healthy for anyone to hide away forever.”

“Sir, she is really hurt but she will talk to me soon, I am sure of it.” Lexa said in earnest. 

“Do you think she will come down on her own?”

“I will ask her to. I’ll let her know that it is important.”

Marcus studied Lexa then smiled his overwhelmingly friendly smile. “If she doesn’t come down for breakfast tomorrow, we might have to look into finding Clarke somewhere where she can find the care that we can't provide for her here.”

Lexa’s eyes widened with alarm. This was by far the best home she had ever been placed in and the thought of going somewhere else worried her. If she dreaded going elsewhere, Lexa couldn’t imagine sending Clarke in her current state into another home.

“She just needs a little more time.”

“And I would like for that time to be here, but there are only so many things I can help with until the state steps in. We were fortunate enough to be able to bring Clarke here but sometimes people need a little more help than Vera and I can give.”

Lexa nodded because she thought it was what she was supposed to do. She didn’t want Clarke to leave because she promised the Kane’s that she would be there for Clarke and that she would help her.

“I’ll talk to her, Mr. Kane. She’ll be at breakfast tomorrow.”

“We all look forward to seeing her.” Marcus said, rising from the bench and lifting his arm to direct Lexa to the dining room. When Lexa didn’t move, he gave her a questioning look.

“Sir?”

“Yes, Lexa?”

“I won’t let you and Clarke down.”

Marcus leaned down and gave Lexa a hug, sensing this was just as important to Lexa as it was to Clarke while feeling her squeeze him with her wiry arms. He released his hold and looked toward the kitchen.

“I am sure you’ll do everything you can but you need to know that people heal in their own time, not on anyone else's. Now, you had better get both your lunches before all the other kids finish their sandwiches and get to it first.”

“I will.” Lexa said, spinning on the spot and heading off to grab their share of lunch and daring to hope that the lunch, which was her favourite, might just be something that helps lift Clarke’s spirit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> Lexa and Clarke have their first conversation which doesn't go exactly as planned.
> 
> The next chapter will be up in a couple days. I hope you enjoyed this one!


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